I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
