I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
