its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize