Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
bring money and cleavage
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
