So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
