my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
