i don't like sucking hair
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
