And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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