is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
