Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
