the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
