I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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