Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
