what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
