O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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