Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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