When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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