I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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