we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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