having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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