I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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