Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
