I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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