i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
