your parents love me but you hate me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
