Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize