i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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