Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
