I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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