Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Someone shattered a urinal.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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