It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
