You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize