Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
