Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
