I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
