she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
