Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
