ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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