this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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