Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
