So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
