i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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