I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she peed on how many people?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hippo gnu deer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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