He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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