I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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