Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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