Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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