i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
