hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
