the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
