I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize