Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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