Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
