my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
