I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize