no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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