so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's the barista slut.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
