p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
