My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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