I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
