we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize