If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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