so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
