fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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