I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
