found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
